#i wanted to try and get into fandom spaces to be myself more and open up but i have now just gotten tired

[vilelittlecritter]

You ever sit in a fandom space for so long that now looking at it kind of makes you want to rip your nails off.

Yeah.

[moonxknightx]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ : SILENT STORM : :;

╰┈➤ ❝ [PAIRING] ❞ Wade Wilson x F!Reader

・❥・GENRE: Fluff :))

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆FANDOM: X-Men

ੈ✩‧₊˚ WARNINGS: None!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥SUMMARY: You, a quiet new recruit at Xavier’s Institute, secretly harbors feelings for the unpredictable Deadpool. When you’re unexpectedly assigned to share a room and a bed with him, the closeness forces both of you to confront your true feelings, leading to the start of a tender romance.

THE X-MANSION WAS NOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU EXPECTED. You had imagined a more rigid atmosphere, where the weight of the world pressed down on every mutant's shoulders. After all, the X-Men were heroes, their deeds legendary in the mutant community. Instead, you found a place brimming with warmth, camaraderie, and a kind of chaotic harmony that felt both welcoming and overwhelming.

Still, despite the friendly faces, you kept to yourself. Old habits died hard. It was easier to observe from the sidelines, where you could process everything without having to jump into the deep end. Besides, you were new here, and everyone already had their circles. You preferred the quiet company of your books and the familiar hum of your thoughts.

But all of that was about to change.

~

"Hey, new girl!"

You looked up from your spot on the couch in the common room, your book halfway open. The voice belonged to Wade Wilson, or as the rest of the mansion called him—Deadpool. He was a living whirlwind of chaos, energy, and unfiltered comments, all wrapped up in a red-and-black suit. And, if you were honest with yourself, he was the reason you often found yourself sneaking glances when you thought no one was looking.

"Uh, hi," you said, offering a small, somewhat awkward wave.

"What's up, quiet one?" he asked, plopping down beside you, much too close for comfort, but you didn't exactly mind. He had a way of invading personal space that somehow felt...inviting. "What'cha reading?"

You held up the book cover for him to see.

"A classic! A fellow intellectual, I see," he grinned, then leaned closer as if to whisper conspiratorially. "I'm more of a comic book guy myself, but hey, to each their own."

You couldn’t help but smile at that. It was impossible not to. His energy was infectious, and even though you tried to keep your distance, he made it difficult. Wade had this knack for drawing people out, whether they wanted to be drawn out or not.

"So, I hear we’re gonna be roomies," he said, his tone teasing.

Your eyes widened. "Roomies?"

"Yup! Turns out the mansion’s a bit crowded. Everyone’s pairing up. And lucky you, you get the one and only Deadpool!" He waggled his eyebrows, clearly finding the situation hilarious. "Don’t worry, I don’t snore...much."

You blinked, processing this new piece of information. Roomed with Wade Wilson? The Wade Wilson? You had barely talked to him beyond these fleeting conversations, and now you were going to share a room with him?

"Uh, are you sure?" you asked, your voice betraying your uncertainty.

"Positive! Just checked with the big guy upstairs," Wade said, pointing a thumb in the vague direction of where you assumed Professor Xavier’s office was. "He said, 'Wade, you’re the perfect mentor for our newest recruit,' and who am I to disagree with the boss, right?"

You weren’t sure if you believed that Professor X had phrased it quite that way, but Wade’s enthusiasm was impossible to deflect.

"Okay," you said, trying to sound more confident than you felt. "I guess that’s...fine."

"Fine? Fine?! Rooming with Wade Wilson is never just 'fine,'" he said dramatically, placing a hand over his heart as if wounded. "It’s a blessing. A privilege! Think of all the fun we’re gonna have—pillow fights, late-night snack raids, deep philosophical discussions about the meaning of life and why chimichangas are the ultimate food."

You chuckled despite yourself. "I don’t think I’m ready for all that."

Wade grinned, his eyes crinkling behind his mask. "Don’t worry, you’ll be just fine. And hey, maybe you’ll even start talking to me more. I’m very persuasive, you know."

You rolled your eyes but couldn't suppress your smile. "We’ll see."

~

Moving your stuff into the shared room was surprisingly uneventful—until you noticed the single bed taking up the middle of the room.

"Uh, Wade?" you asked, pointing at the bed as if it had suddenly appeared out of thin air.

He followed your gaze and then let out a low whistle. "Huh. Well, I guess someone upstairs is shipping us already."

You felt your face heat up. "I-I’ll sleep on the floor. It’s not a big deal."

Wade waved his hand dismissively. "Nonsense! This bed is big enough for two. We’ll just build a pillow fort in the middle. You get one side, I get the other. No funny business, I promise. Unless you count my sleep-talking, in which case, you’re in for a treat."

You hesitated, feeling a mix of nervousness and something else—a fluttering in your stomach that you hadn’t quite placed until now. The thought of sharing a bed with Wade, even with a barrier of pillows between you, was both thrilling and terrifying. But you didn’t want to let him see how much it affected you, so you nodded.

"Okay, that works," you agreed, trying to sound nonchalant.

Wade clapped his hands together. "Perfect! This is gonna be like a sleepover. Do you want the side closest to the door or the window?"

"The window," you replied, grateful that he was making this easy.

"Excellent choice," he said, winking at you. "I’ll take the door side. You know, in case any bad guys break in during the night. I’ll protect you, my fair maiden."

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips. Wade was ridiculous, but he had a way of making everything seem less daunting. Maybe sharing a bed with him wouldn’t be so bad after all.

~

The first few nights were awkward, to say the least. You kept to your side of the bed, huddled up against the edge as far as you could go without falling off. Wade, true to his word, respected the pillow barrier and even stayed mostly still, aside from the occasional bout of sleep-talking.

But as the days passed, you found yourself growing more comfortable. You started to notice little things about Wade—like how he always made sure the room was warm enough for you at night, or how he would subtly rearrange the pillows to give you more space. He could be loud and obnoxious, but there was a kindness beneath all the bluster that you hadn’t expected.

And then there was your growing crush.

It snuck up on you, as these things often do. At first, you thought it was just admiration—after all, Wade was brave, funny, and fiercely loyal to his friends. But then you started noticing how your heart would race whenever he smiled at you, or how you found yourself looking forward to the end of the day when you’d both be lying in bed, talking about nothing and everything.

You tried to push the feelings aside. Wade was...Wade. He was larger than life, and you were just...you. Quiet, reserved, and maybe a little too intense for someone like him. You doubted he even saw you as anything other than a friend—or worse, a younger sibling in need of protection.

But the feelings wouldn’t go away. They grew stronger with each passing day, and it became harder to keep them hidden. Especially when Wade would casually toss an arm across the pillow fort, his fingers brushing against your shoulder as he mumbled something incoherent in his sleep.

It was torture, and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. What if he didn’t feel the same way? What if it made things weird between you? So you stayed silent, your heartache hidden behind a carefully constructed mask of indifference.

~

It was late one night, the mansion unusually quiet, when you found yourself lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. Wade was beside you, his breathing steady and even. You hadn’t said much that evening, too wrapped up in your own thoughts to engage in the usual banter. Wade had noticed, of course—he always noticed—but he hadn’t pushed you to talk.

But now, as you lay there in the dark, you couldn’t stop thinking about the mission you had completed together earlier that day. It had gone sideways more than once, and Wade had saved your life more than once. You kept replaying the moments in your mind, the way he had shielded you with his body, the way he had looked at you with a mixture of concern and something else you couldn’t quite place.

"Hey," Wade’s voice broke through your thoughts, startling you.

You turned your head to see him lying on his side, propped up on one elbow as he looked down at you. "You okay?"

"Me? Yeah, I’m fine," you lied, trying to smile.

Wade didn’t buy it. He reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face. "You’ve been quiet—quieter than usual. What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

Your heart skipped a beat at his touch, and you swallowed hard, trying to gather your thoughts. You wanted to tell him everything, to pour out your heart and let him see just how much he meant to you. But the words caught in your throat, tangled up with fear and uncertainty.

"I’ve just been thinking," you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper.

"About what?" he asked, his tone soft and patient.

You hesitated, but something in his eyes urged you to continue. Wade, despite his usual chaotic demeanor, could be incredibly perceptive when it mattered most. He was watching you now with an intensity that made it impossible to deflect or hide behind vague answers.

"About today. About how you saved me," you finally said, your voice trembling just slightly. "I just... I don’t know if I thanked you properly."

Wade’s expression softened, and he shook his head. "You don’t have to thank me. That’s what teammates do, right? We look out for each other."

You nodded, but the knot in your chest didn’t loosen. It wasn’t just about today’s mission. It was about everything—the way he made you feel seen in a way no one else had, the way he could make you laugh when you wanted to disappear into the shadows, the way you couldn’t stop thinking about him even when you knew you should.

"Wade, I—" you started, then hesitated, biting your lip as you struggled to find the right words. "There’s more to it than that."

He stayed quiet, giving you the space to gather your thoughts, his gaze never leaving your face. You took a deep breath, feeling your heart pound in your chest.

"I... I’ve been feeling like I don’t really belong here. Like I’m on the outside, looking in," you confessed. "But when I’m with you, it’s different. You make me feel like I fit, like I’m not just some quiet, awkward girl who’s always in the background."

Wade frowned slightly, his brow furrowing as he listened. "You’re not just in the background. Not to me."

You felt your breath catch at his words, hope and fear warring within you. "I’ve been trying to keep it to myself, but... I think I have feelings for you, Wade. More than just teammates. More than just friends."

The words hung in the air, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe, your heart pounding so hard you were sure he could hear it. You stared up at him, terrified of what he might say next.

Wade blinked, his expression shifting from surprise to something softer, almost tender. "You do?"

You nodded, feeling your face flush with embarrassment. "I know it’s probably silly. You’re... well, you’re you. And I’m just—"

"Don’t," he interrupted gently, his voice firm but kind. "Don’t put yourself down like that. You’re amazing. Seriously. I’ve been waiting for you to say something, but I didn’t want to push you. You’re so quiet sometimes, and I didn’t want to scare you off."

"You... you have?" you asked, barely daring to believe what you were hearing.

He grinned, a little sheepishly. "Yeah, I have. I’m crazy about you, you know that? But I didn’t want to mess things up between us. I figured if you didn’t feel the same, I could at least stick around and be your annoying, charming roommate."

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, relief flooding through you. "Wade, I—"

Before you could finish, he leaned in, his hand still resting gently on your cheek as he closed the distance between you. His lips brushed against yours, tentative at first, as if giving you the chance to pull away. But you didn’t. You kissed him back, your hands clutching at his shirt as if he might disappear if you let go.

The kiss deepened, all the emotions you had been holding back pouring out as you pressed closer to him. It was everything you hadn’t dared to hope for—warmth, safety, belonging—all wrapped up in the man you had been too afraid to love out loud.

When you finally broke apart, both of you were breathless, foreheads resting against each other as you tried to catch your breath. Wade’s hand slid from your cheek to your back, pulling you closer as he whispered, "You’re not just someone in the background, okay? Not to me. You’re the reason I’m here. You’re the reason I stick around."

Tears pricked at your eyes, but this time they were tears of happiness, of relief. "Wade, I... I don’t know what to say."

He smiled, that familiar playful glint returning to his eyes. "You don’t have to say anything. Just let me hold you, okay? We’ll figure everything else out as we go."

You nodded, feeling a warmth spread through your chest as you nestled closer to him, his arms wrapping around you in a protective embrace. The tension that had been knotting your stomach for weeks melted away, leaving only a sense of peace and contentment.

As you lay there, wrapped in his arms, you knew that this was just the beginning. The start of something new, something real. And for the first time in a long time, you felt like you belonged. Right here, with him.

Wade shifted slightly, pulling the blankets up over both of you as he settled back down. "You know," he said, his voice drowsy but full of warmth, "this whole 'roommate' thing worked out pretty well, don’t you think?"

You smiled, resting your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. "Yeah, it really did."

"And just think," he continued, a grin evident in his voice, "we still have plenty of nights to practice this whole 'sharing a bed' thing. I’m thinking we could get really good at it."

You laughed softly, feeling more at ease than you had in a long time. "I think so too."

As you drifted off to sleep, your hand resting over his heart, you couldn’t help but feel grateful for this strange, chaotic, wonderful man who had somehow found his way into your life—and your heart.

And, as Wade’s arms tightened around you, you knew that whatever came next, you were ready to face it. Together.

🏷️: @stargazingcarol

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[captainsophiestark]

Oblivious

Damon Salvatore x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2024! Requested by @elenavampire21 - hope you like it! Thanks for being patient while I got it done!

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries

Day Thirty-One Prompt: "It's always been you."

Summary: You've always felt like the lowest priority out of everyone in the Mystic Falls group, but Damon disagrees.

Word Count: 1,905

Category: Fluff, light Angst

A/N: That's a wrap on Fictober baby! Woohoo! And Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I hummed to myself as I scanned my bookshelf, trying to decide which one to grab. Since moving into college at Whitmore, I'd mostly just brought my favorites, since I didn't have much book space to spare in my single dorm room. But bringing all of my favorites made it a little hard to decide what to read on any given day.

I'd just about made up my mind, actually reaching out to grab one when the door to my room went flying open, smashing into the opposite wall.

I whirled around, my fight or flight response kicking into overdrive as I tried to remember where the nearest stake was in my room. I'd been dragged into the supernatrual drama just by being tangental to a certain friend group in Mystic Falls, which meant I was on high alert for supernatural threats. This weekend in particular, everyone I knew was back in Mystic Falls for a visit and a party.

At least, they were supposed to be. As I whipped around towards the door, I came face to face with none other than Damon Salvatore.

My heart started a very annoying gymnastics routine. I'd had a crush on Damon for a long time, despite knowing all his supernatural secrets, but with Elena around he'd never bothered to give me the time of day. I'd made my peace with it, more or less, but suddenly finding him standing in the doorway of my room, his piercing blue eyes fixed absolutely on me, still sent my heart racing.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I demanded, fixing Damon with the fiercest glare I could muster. Probably not very fierce at the moment, but I did my best.

"You should really keep this locked," Damon drawled instead of answering me. I scowled as he closed the door behind him, then took a few steps closer to me.

"We're in a crowded student dorm hall. It's normally not a problem."

"Well, it's a problem now."

Damon grinned at me, making a point of flashing his fangs. My scowl deepened.

"Do you not have to be invited in to student housing?" I asked, trying to deflect and distract Damon from paying any attention to my heartbeat. His grin only widened.

"Nope. I've used that to my advantage many times."

I tried to keep a grimace off my face at that. I knew enough about Damon and his history to realize he was refering to past hookups as much as anything else. Not my favorite subject to get into with him.

I cleared my throat, trying to push the thoughts out of my mind. I met Damon's gaze again and raised an eyebrow, going for casual and just hoping I could kind of pull it off.

"Why are you here?" I said. "Aren't you supposed to be hosting a party in Mystic Falls?"

"Aren't you supposed to be at that party with me?" Damon asked, voice low as he took another few steps towards me. I let out a little huff and looked away.

"Believe it or not, I'm not in the mood to go running back home every weekend that I'm at college. I have work to do and people I want to spend time with this weekend, both of which require me to stay here."

Damon stepped even closer to me, getting in my space and moving to try to see my expression. When I continued to look away from him, he took my chin in his hand and turned me to face him. I scowled, but didn't pull away.

"I don't believe you."

"What do you mean 'you don't believe me'?"

"I mean, when you explained your reasoning to me just now, your heartbeat told me you were lying." I frowned, but Damon just leaned in a little closer, his grip still tight on my chin. "So why aren't you in Mystic Falls?"

I huffed and rolled my eyes, finally pulling back and out of his grip. He let me go, but took a few steps to follow me across the room as I walked away.

"I'm just sick of all the supernatural drama," I said. "It's been nice to be here, building something separate from which vampire we're trying to kill this week, or which werewolf is trying to kill us. I'm happy here, and I don't want to blow all that up by going home and finding myself in the middle of the supernatural drama again."

Damon hummed. Nothing I'd said was a lie, technically, so he couldn't call me out like he had earlier. I kept my back to him so he couldn't read it in my face either.

"I guess that's the truth," Damon said, his voice way too casual. "But I know you well enough to know it's not the whole truth."

I snorted, then whipped around to face Damon with a scowl.

"Why do you care? I gave you an explanation, and it's the truth, so it's all you're getting."

Damon shook his head as he stepped even closer to me.

"Not gonna work for me, sweetheart. I'm not leaving here without the whole truth."

"Why? Damon, seriously, why is this so important to you?"

"Because. Now are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to compel it out of you?"

He wiggled his eyebrows at me, but I just rolled my eyes.

"We both know I'm on vervain, so knock it off. Just go back to Mystic Falls. Flirt with Elena to mess with your brother, whatever! Just leave me alone!"

"I don't want to flirt with Elena," Damon said, taking another step towards me. His voice was low, and more serious than I usually heard it, as his eyes locked onto mine. "I want to flirt with you, no one else. It's always been you."

Everything about Damon's tone and body language told me he was serious, but I knew what a good actor he could be when he wanted to. I scoffed and rolled my eyes, crossing my arms and squaring my shoulders to face Damon.

"Oh please. It's always been Elena, from day one with you! And the handful of times it hasn't been Elena? It's been just about anybody else in our group besides me. Caroline, that reporter Andie, the vampire Rose who kidnapped Elena... hell, even Rebekah Mikaelson! But never once me, Day."

Damon's frown had deepend, and he actually looked a little wounded. He took another step closer, almost putting us chest to chest, and opened his mouth like he was going to speak, but I put up a hand to stop him before he could get a word out.

"It's fine, Damon. Seriously, it's not a crime for you to not reciprocate my feelings. And I'm not avoiding Mystic Falls all because of some one-sided crush. But, seriously. Bonnie, Caroline, and Elena were supposed to be in a triple together. Nobody even checked with me, if I might want to join them in a dorm, since we were all going to Whitmore. I know I got sucked into the group by accident and not really by friendship, but for fuck's sake, I've thrown myself headfirst into this world and trying to help you guys, and still, it's like I'm barely even present. So I decided to say screw it, and I've made a bunch of great friends here outside of all this vampire shit, and I'm happy with that. So just go back to your party and leave me alone. I'd say pass the message on, but I doubt if anybody else'll notice."

Damon's frown had been steadily deepening the whole time I'd been speaking, and now he looked truly upset. I'd confessed a little more to him in the heat of the moment than I'd been planning to, but my words were still true. Maybe it was time for a full break from the rest of the Mystic Falls gang, and maybe this was how I got it done.

"Are you... absolutely blind?" Damon demanded, reaching out to take my hands before I could stop him. "I'll admit, when I first met Elena, she looked so much like Katherine that I was a little hung up on her. But I got over her when I got over Katherine. All I've been doing since a few weeks after I met you is trying to flirt with you! You've always shut me down!"

"What? Damon, you're crazy-"

"I abandoned Ric at the bar to buy you a drink and play pool. I blew off Stefan to go to some stupid Mystic Falls festival with you. For god's sake, I even asked you on a date after your graduation!"

"No no no, that was playful flirting. And the date thing was to make Elena jealous!"

"The date thing was not to make Elena jealous!"

I laughed, mostly out of panic, shaking my head and stepping back from Damon. He didn't let me get far. He followed me across the room until my back hit the wall, and then stepped into my space again. I looked up at him with wide eyes, and I knew he could hear just how fast my heart was beating.

"Damon, come on. You're... you. If you'd had a thing for me for over a year, there's no way I wouldn't know about it!"

"That's what I kept telling myself," he muttered. The faintest possible smile made its way onto his face. "I'm actually a little relieved it turns out you're just oblivious."

I snorted, but my heart had picked up speed again, which honestly shouldn't have been possible. If Damon were lying... well, it didn't make sense for Damon to be lying. There was no reason for him to come all the way down here, especially while everyone else in our group was throwing a party at his house, all for a lie with no real motivation.

I searched Damon's face, this time without a scowl. He smirked back at me and let his gaze slowly, clearly wander down to my mouth. I laughed.

"You're serious, aren't you? You're telling the truth."

"Of course I'm telling the truth," he said. His voice was more sincere and serious than it had been since he'd walked into my room as the smirk on his face became more of a smile. Slowly, he let one hand wander down to rest on my waist. I bit my lip, considering for just a second, then surged forward and kissed him.

Damon wasted no time pushing me against the wall and kissing me back. I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting myself get lost in the moment.

"Are you sure you don't want to go back to Mystic Falls?" I breathed between kisses as Damon moved along my neck and jaw. "You're missing a party in your own house."

"I'm sure. I hid all my good booze before I left. And I hate to rub it in, but..." Damon pulled back just enough to look me in the eye and let a predatory grin spread across his face. "I'm pretty happy you ended up in a single dorm room right now."

I laughed, something I honestly never thought I'd be able to do about the way I'd ended up in this single dorm room. Leave it to Damon to find a way to make it happen, despite the odds.

It'd taken a lot more drama and heartache than it should've to get here. Still, as Damon wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight to his chest, I got the distinct impression that it would be worth it.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21

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[blindbeta]

I've noticed that you are interested in stories with multiple blind characters and often propose adding more blind characters to a story as a solution. I really struggle with this because it's not as simple as that -- stories don't have infinite narrative space. The idea that every story has a large cast is influenced by the prevalence of long serialized media in fandom: webcomics, TV shows, etc. But many writers (myself included) write a lot of novellas and short stories which often only have a few characters -- maybe even only 1 or 2! Even novels don't usually have huge expansive casts -- maybe 5 main characters with some additional side characters.

Considering this, I don't understand how it's realistic for every story (or even, say, 50% of stories) to have multiple blind characters (without it feeling forced). This is compounded by the fact that most blogs that talk about other forms of representation say the same! So if I write a 2-character short story and the protagonist is a blind Latino man, does the second character also have to be a blind Latino man? It just doesn't make sense! This is just a general problem I've noticed in discussions around representation -- there's an assumption that every cast will have 10+ characters and narrative space to develop those characters, even though that's not realistic for most narrative forms.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Writing Multiple Blind Characters in Short Stories

Hi Anon! Surprise. I write short stories as well. I have experience with this. I have never felt like my blind characters were forced or unrealistic, even with having several of them in the same story. I’ll try to explain what might help you.

First, the idea that multiple blind characters is forced or unrealistic comes from ableism. Think about why you feel there is a limit on disabled characters. If you can create stories, I would hope you are creative enough to consider the possibility that multiple blind characters could exist in the same place and time. Challenging this barrier opens up more possibilities, allowing you to explore different types of blindness, different reactions to it, different upbringings, and multiple ways of living, adapting, and navigating being blind.

Second, blind characters need access to their own community. This is where they learn how to be blind. This where they get support. This is where they might find understanding and belonging. You can find more information about community here in an excellent reblog. Also, here.

As you mentioned, I often suggest adding more blind characters when writers insist upon using stereotyped portrayals. Having multiple characters with different experiences helps to make your story more realistic and nuanced, contrary to what people might implicitly believe. Having more than one blind character is something I highly recommend because it helps with not having all your representation rest on the shoulders of one character.

For example, if you are worried a main character who has cloudy eyes might reinforce the idea that all blind people have cloudy eyes, having another blind character with a different experience may help. If one of your blind characters is naive and innocent, you might have another blind character who is brash, displays a lack of trust in others, and has a lot of shocking stories. Maybe they’re in a rock band together. They met while playing blind football (aka soccer) on a middle school team. They bonded over their pet cats and sour patch kids.

Or something.

Another important thing to remember when writing is that you have control over the story. Too many writers come to me feeling stuck because they feel they cannot change their story while also wanting to incorporate my suggestions. This makes it challenging to address implicit bias or stereotypes, much less guide writers in going in different directions.

Additionally, I feel uncomfortable with the complaints about other blogs in this ask. I feel like this isn’t really about me, nor is it something I can comment on. I will say that it sounds as if a bunch of blogs dedicated to helping people write marginalized characters are mentioning some of the same things. They are probably doing so for a reason.

However, while it helps, writing multiple blind characters won’t improve every story, which I explained in my review of the book Blind. I was not impressed with this book. I did not feel that the four blind characters were very good, nor did having them help with offsetting the portrayal of blindness as a miserable experience.

Conversely, one of my favorite blind characters is Toph Beifong from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Despite being the only blind character in the show, the writers did a good job with her. Would I have liked her to meet more of her community as she travels with the Gang? Absolutely. Even though I like her, she still never had access to her community after being isolated by her parents for so long.

So, no, you don’t need to have multiple blind characters if the suggestion bothers you this much. I even provided good examples of what to do, what not to do, and times where my typical advice was not as helpful for the resulting story.

However, please consider where these feelings stem from. Consider the origins of the idea that having multiple blind characters is unrealistic. Using the example you provided in your question, I wonder, would you say the same if both your characters were white and abled? Is there any way you can challenge the fear of seeming unrealistic? What about being considered unrealistic bothers you so much?

You don’t necessarily need to have characters in the story for them to exist. Even background characters can help. I will try to give some ideas for this:

Does your blind character have family they can talk about or remember? Are any of their family members blind?

Do they have any friends? Just because the friends aren’t in the story doesn’t mean they don’t exist at all.

Does the blind character have any formative memories or flashbacks?

Does the character who isn’t blind know any blind folks?

Your characters should have lives outside of the story. They should have memories and experiences that made them who they are. This is where you can have other blind characters. Perhaps this is how your blind character can have a community.

However, I would still like to see more blind characters interacting with each other. This is what I want as a blind person. If you don’t want to go that direction, that’s fine.

I hope this helps.

[redvexillum]

Content Warning: Vexi's Feels

I usually try and keep my personal feelings out of this blog. This space started as a place for my stories, a little corner to dive into the fandoms I love. But along the way, something truly special happened—I made friends here, and I found a community that feels like a second home. Before I knew it, this blog became more than just a place to share stories; it became a place to connect, to open up, and to share bits of my heart.

Lately, though, my mental health has felt strained. With everything happening in the world, life's shenanigans, and seasonal depression hitting me with a 10 ton hammer, the weight is real and hard to ignore. This post isn’t here to ask anyone to hold back; your feelings of fear, anxiety, and sadness are valid, and you deserve to be seen and heard.

But if you’re like me, and you need a little light in your feed—just that spark of hope—then I’m here for you. Starting tomorrow, every morning at 7:00 a.m. EST, I’ll be posting a positive message. It’s something I’m doing for myself, but I want to share it with anyone else who might need it, too. Words hold so much power, and sometimes, even a simple "we’re going to be okay" can remind us of our resilience.

Everyone is welcome to join and share their own positive messages. Feel free to brighten your own blog if you want to, because I’d love to see more positivity filling up the dashboard. If this isn’t for you right now, please feel free to block the tag #Vexi throws love punches. This is me, holding onto a little hope, and offering it to anyone else who needs it, too. Let’s get through this together. ❤️

[localsharkcryptid]

Okay, making an interesting post here BUT I'm working on throwing together a DSMP Roleplay/Hangout server - I wanna make more friends but genuinely I suck at communicating here on Tumblr, and honestly I don't think I've seen any roleplay servers from dreblr/the cDream side of here? Regardless I want to meet and interact with people finally in a setting where I'm more comfortable so I'm making it myself.

And basically I want to ask what people might want to see out of this? I intend for the server to work as a place for general chatting and fandom related things as well as being a roleplay center for those who do so or would like to try doing it! So there's gonna be a general chatting section and a roleplay section (potentially using forums so people can have their own chat rooms n all) at the minimum - I'm considering opening up the idea of an AU related section? One so people could roleplay ideas that don't take place on the DSMP itself- idk I kinda want to get ideas and an interest check- so here we are.

Additional Note About This:

For this server - We're treating the fictional characters as fictional characters and I swear to god I may make being an asshole to others over ships if mentioned a bannable offence. I'm a multishipper as people know and I won't tolerate y'all out there who get bitchy over people shipping c!Techno or anyone else for that matter in my house. As long as it's legal who cares. Like actually.

In a similar vein to that, c!Wilbur is also in that boat, he's a fictional character and I will hit people with a stick if every five minutes they feel the need to do the whole "but fuck the CC" or something - you don't need to bring it up at ALL.

(I don't mean to seem overtly aggressive here but I want to be VERY firm on this being a chill/safe space to just enjoy these characters and the story, meaning no drama bullshit, no stupid fights over people wanting the pig to kiss men etc.)

[velvet-glory]

Thank you undueodium for the template! It was a ton of fun to fill out 😊

Extensive thoughts below the cut! (Warning: very long...)

Necessary disclaimer that all of this is of course just my headcanons and how I perceive the characters. I'm not claiming I know the Ultimate Truth™, but these two guys have claimed basically 99% of my brain capacity in the past 7 months and mean the world to me. I thoroughly enjoy picking them apart and analyzing them both as individuals and a pair because they scratch an itch in my brain that I simply can't get enough of. But as with all things, we resonate with different things in fiction and in life. Anyways, enjoy!

Boothill being ace

This is something I always worried talking about in public, since talking about sexualities in fandom spaces feels like SUCH a risky topic I usually don't even want to open, but it's very important to me. Being ace myself, I personally see him as sex-neutral to favorable. I think it's an activity he didn't mind doing, and even saw as occasional fun, but it wasn't anything really special. He preferred building strong emotional bonds with his family and friends. Romantically I think he had one or two crushes, but never really anything serious. The life he lived didn't allow for it, and the (queer)platonic bonds he had were more than enough.

With the change of his body, the physical aspect fell away, so it’s purely a mental thing now, and he already had next to no desire for it before. When the opportunity arose, maybe he would take up the offer, but he was also just too busy wanting to hunt Oswaldo down to indulge in pleasures like those too often. He didn't see people in that light and didn't miss it. (I also think that there were some... more forceful people that were curious and really wanted to experience what his cyborg body was capable of, which only turned him away from sex even more. So now it became a conscious avoidance, too, on top of the lack of attraction and medium-to-low libido.)

Sex really only starts to feel special once he gets with Aventurine, as he sees it as a way to bond and feel loved. I think sex is a very integral part of their relationship (but if I got into that, this would get WAY too long). It starts to feel even more fun and Aventurine is mighty pretty—seeing him blush and gasp and moan is what's rewarding, not the physical aspect and involvement of his body (especially since I hc that he can't feel anything below the neck aside from maybe his groin thanks to emulators). It's also why I see him more as a service top—Aven's pleasure comes first. That's what makes him feel pleasure. That gets him that mental high.

Aventurine riding him feels good not because of the actual act and feeling, but what it stands for. The power Aventurine holds over him. The intimacy it embodies. Knowing that he is the one to reduce Aventurine into a sweaty, moaning mess. How they both lay everything bare for one another.

There's also the fun aspect to him realizing that sex actually does matter to him in the context with Aventurine. Where losing his genitals wasn't really something he cared about too much in regards to sex (this can also be seen through a gender lens, but I'll be focusing on it in a sexuality way), some insecurity may creep in. If it matters to the person he loves, of course it also matters to him. He just becomes very aware of... everything. About their differences, both in the short-term and long-term. How that will affect the... everything they have. Whatever they have. There's a lot to unpack here. I promise I'm trying to keep all of this as brief as I can but I'm failing.

Boothill and touch

For Boothill, it's not about the actual, physical sensation, but about the intention behind it. Getting kissed on the inside of his wrist, where a pulse would be, is special. Where his heart beats even more so. To have Aventurine treat his body with care and affection—treating it human, despite him not even seeing himself as alive anymore, nevermind human, even if he laughs about it—is what gets to him. It also makes his spine such an insanely vulnerable place to kiss and touch, since he has to expose his back for it. The places his body has been scratched/damaged, like on his lower abdomen, are also highlights.

Basically anything goes and is fine to touch, but the more vulnerable a place would be when made out of flesh, the more intense he feels about it being touched and kissed. And especially his neck and face, since those are still human.

To be accepted and appreciated for what he is now, and not like he is lacking anything, is what matters. And Aventurine does just that.

Aventurine being demi

Aventurine being demi feels kinda self-explanatory. Even if he may use sexuality and sensuality as a tool, I don't think he truly experiences that attraction until a strong bond has formed, which... has frankly not happened often, if ever. Nevermind romantically. That requires you to be vulnerable and allow others close to your heart. That's what made the bars a little difficult to fill out cause... there's so many walls he has put up, but he acts in certain ways. He acts flirty and sensual, but it's not genuine. It is and it isn't. He's a walking paradox and probably struggles to really understand himself, too.

But Boothill makes him feel safe, which makes him want the man carnally (lol). It lowers the walls around his heart. Nothing sexier than explicitly being asked for consent and being respected and loved by a sexy cyborg who wears his heart on his sleeve, I'm afraid. Plus, I think Boothill not actually having a human body massively helps him in overcoming the first hurdle regarding his trauma.

Aventurine's sensitive areas

Similar to Boothill, the more vulnerable an area, the more it means for it to be touched. Especially his chest, hips, inner thighs and neck are sensitive and feel the best. Boothill kissed his stomach once and he has been obsessed ever since. His lower back? Yes please. Especially if Boothill's mouth and hands are busy elsewhere. A kiss to the center of his palm speaks louder than any words and it makes his heart ache.

I think his arm pits are ticklish so they're a bit of a no, but it's a soft no. Because he trusts Boothill so much, I think he's really fine with anything, at least down the road. It does take a little while to build up to this, but fortunately Boothill is very patient and understanding in this regard ☺️

Kinks & Limits

Limits

This is actually a section I struggled a lot with. If it's a hard limit, I don't even go there, and don't even think of it. So I feel like there are likely some others that I didn't put down because well... I just don't think of them cause they're such a no lmao.

For soft limits, especially in regards to Aventurine, I think it's pretty complicated. He has some self-destructive tendencies. There's a lot of inner turmoil because of his trauma—he wants and he doesn't. He wants to be tossed around, challenges you to use him, because it's what he's used to, but he also doesn't. This would get way way too long if I went more in-depth on how I see Aventurine and his relationship to intimacy as a whole, but. It's just extremely complicated, and I feel like someone like Boothill is exactly what he needs to heal from all of that. Someone that allows him to let loose, to differentiate past trauma and future pleasure. Because he's safe. And eventually, he will overcome those fears that hold him back from truly letting go. Even if it will take time. (I'm speaking in general here and Aventurine's relationship to physical and emotional intimacy, and not about the specific limits I wrote down.)

They both definitely have their limits, but also... I dunno. It just heavily depends on the situation and how long they've been together. I think there's some kinks they would eventually explore in a safe way, especially in regards to bondage. Some mild power play, maybe—which would especially be a big step for Aventurine.

Kinks

Aventurine likes to receive, but also to see Boothill break, either in a submissive or dominant way. He likes to walk on the fine line, to see how much he can get away with. To push and prod until the tables are turned. Likes to see Boothill whimper but also have Boothill hold his hips a little tighter as he's pushed into the mattress or nearest surface. He likes the game, the risk. To gain and lose control.

And Boothill plays into it beautifully, because he aims to please first and foremost. He always has to hold back because he really could very easily seriously hurt Aventurine. His body is made to kill and that's a risk that Aventurine really loves.

As for Boothill's kinks... well! When most of your body is numb to pleasure, why wouldn't you want to practically short-circuit thanks to your very very pretty partner who also activates your lizard brain.

Dynamics

Boothill is very very attentive and fully focused on Aventurine—catches every little movement, every sign of discomfort—which is why I think he would be extremely good in bed, even if he has less overall experience. They are essentially tied in skill, though. (But also, you know. There's the fact that Boothill can get fun little upgrades for his privates, which Aventurine definitely enjoys ☺️)

I'm a switch and vers enthusiast, and while I do think they have a preference, in the end, it's about connection and about mixing things up. About having fun together and bonding.

When Aventurine submits, he does it to fully submit and be at Boothill's mercy because he knows he will be safe. Giving up the power, when he was always forced to be strong and stand alone, brings a sense of relief. But I do think that generally, he prefers to be in control, especially in the beginning. When topping, he tends to lean more towards service top as well, although a less dominant one. Boothill as a service top can be both dominant and submissive, though—whichever Aventurine wants in that moment, since he aims to please. When he bottoms, it really just depends on the mood, but I think generally he's less intense than Aventurine. He definitely teases Aventurine quite a bit like that, hehe...

Boothill has a cyborg body, so... he can do any speed and pace ☺️ Spiritually, Aventurine wishes he also had more stamina and endurance, but unfortunately he needs to catch his breath a little sooner.

I think Aventurine can be both loud and quiet (which Boothill especially loves to get him to that point), while Aventurine loves when he manages to get Boothill to be a little louder.

Miscellaneous thoughts

I would've basically have to fill this template out twice because honestly... How they are with others before meeting each other, how they are with one another at the start, after they get together, and how that changes them in general are all different. They constantly evolve and grow. There's so many facets to them, it was hard to pin it down to just a few dots. But I had already spent a good... I wanna say 11 or more hours on this, on top of the time it took to write all of this, so I didn't want to keep tweaking it even more :') So I’ll just be talking about a handful of things.

Who does what

This was a fun section to think about. Since I imagine that Aventurine fell first, I feel like he was both not subtle at all about his affections but also trying to play them off as just his usual behavior. Boothill, who is a little slower on catching on to his own feelings, really struggled with that. Although after he does realize his own feelings, and wonders if maybe it's reciprocated after all, he really doesn't wait around too much and goes for it.

I think Aventurine likes the idea of getting married, but the reality is just tricky with the lives they live. Commitment is also just scary to him, even if he does care deeply about Boothill (which is also very scary). Boothill also never considered to be settling down somewhere since he expected to lose his life on his quest for revenge, but Aventurine makes him wonder. But whether they live a domestic life somewhere quiet or enjoy traveling the stars together, one thing he knows for sure: he wants Aventurine at his side for it.

Boothill had a lot of siblings, both younger and older, so I think he has a massive soft spot for kids. Having a couple of rascals would be fun, but only if Aventurine was on-board as well. Similar to marriage, I think Aventurine likes the idea, but might doubt if he'd even be worthy or able of being a parent. Whether they do eventually adopt or not isn't as important as simply being together, though.

—

I think I'm gonna leave it here because this already got WAY longer than I intended for it to be... I just can't help but start yapping once these two are involved. Maybe I'll go back in the future and talk about a few more things, but if you actually got this far, then kudos to you 😭 Thank you for reading! I love avenhill a little bit if it wasn't obvious already...

[arcane-vagabond]

Okay so I don’t think it’s any surprise that this has been a few days coming. So, let’s just lay out a few new ground rules, yeah?

Things are going to be different in the way I interact with people on here. I’m not going to be rude in how I respond to you all unless you come at me with some whack ass energy first. This means I’m not going to kiss your asses and be overly sweet in my replies. There have been a few times where I’ve been accused of being rude when I replied like a normal person instead of groveling at an anon’s feet for some reason, and that just simply won’t do. I will be responding how I respond to anyone else (matching energies or otherwise), and if you don’t like it? Well, no one is forcing you to be here. Block and/or unfollow. If you try to throw a fit about it? I will make fun of you because that’s weirdo behavior actually.

Generally, just expect some unhinged responses to hate mail because I’m going to assume that you’re not a real person sending stuff in if it’s hate mail. Don’t like? Well, no one is forcing you to be here. Block and/or unfollow. If you try to throw a fit about it? I will make fun of you because that’s weirdo behavior actually.

I’m no longer playing this stupid game that so many people seem intent on playing. You do not own games like matchmaker. That game has been around for DECADES. I’m no longer playing nice with people on here. It’s just automatic blocks and unfollows from now on. I’m curating my online experience, and if you don’t like how I’m doing it? Well, no one is forcing you to be here. Block and/or unfollow. If you try to throw a fit about it? I will make fun of you because that’s weirdo behavior actually.

I’m going to be posting what the fuck I want. No more polls. Too many people vote in them and my interactions are not reflecting the amount of people who vote for these stories. So I’m going to stop asking for what you all want. From here on out, it’s going to be what I want to post. If you send in asks or comments complaining? Well, no one is forcing you to be here. Block and/or unfollow. If you try to throw a fit about it? I will make fun of you because that’s weirdo behavior actually.

I’m not going to force myself to post every day or even every week. I have a full time job, family, friends, other hobbies, etc. that take up my time. I’m not a content machine for people to take advantage of for ten minutes and then move on. I also will not be tolerating comments asking for more of a series. If you don’t have anything to say about what I’ve already posted, and all you post is “Can’t wait for the next part!”? Guarantee you it’ll be months before you see that next part. Now if you include that after commenting about the rest of the chapter? That’s fine. Don’t like it? Well, no one is forcing you to be here. Block and/or unfollow. If you try to throw a fit about it? I will make fun of you because that’s weirdo behavior actually.

It’s sad that i have to set boundaries like this. And it’s even sadder that I know that I’m going to get hateful people yelling at me for setting these boundaries, but here we are. I’m willing to keep trying to interact with fandom, hoping that the people who refuse to learn etiquette and the way things are done in fandom will eventually get bored and leave.

I’ve essentially decided that I will keep posting my stories at my leisure and reblog fics when I read them, but other than that? I’ve got the people I enjoy interacting with, and I’m always open to meeting new people. I’m just tired of feeling policed in everything I do and people being cruel for no reason. This blog is always a safe space for people as long as they can be actual human beings.

If you’re reading this and getting mad or upset about any of the boundaries I’ve just mentioned? Well…🤷🏻‍♀️

-Liz

[the-s1lly-corner]

An Eraser (Bloody Painter x Reader) (7MIH Ending 7)

only about four characters left and then we are done! wondering what fandom to do next hmm.... im also thinking of possibly making a quotev acc so i can more interactive stuff- having polls at the ends of these have been fun but quizzes sound so cool tbh reminder that there are polls at the ends of these to determine the next ending notes: reader is gn, admin is still trying to figure out how he wants to write helen outside of hc posts, hes got a bit of a crush on you cws: none word count: 1775

You reach your hand into the hat and pull out…

An eraser. Not the pink blocky ones you would usually see. No, it was one of those fancier malleable ones. The ones you see artists use every now and then… You didn’t even need to look around the room- there was only one person you could think of who would have something like this. You shift the eraser between your index and thumb and show it to Helen who only pats his thighs and rises to his feet. 

“Well damn, alright then.” Jeff said under his breath, seemingly disappointed that he didn’t get to delay the surprise of who you got until you were both shoved into darkness. Jeff flicked his head towards the hallway, “Closets down that way, you’ve both got seven minutes the second the door closes you got that?” His wide blue eyes darted between you and Helen- who had already joined you at your side. You didn’t even notice him closing in on you. 

You decide not to say anything, instead choosing to walk down the hallway that was motioned towards. Helen kept up with your footsteps, his own nearly perfectly matching up with your own. When you stopped, as did he.

It wasn’t until you made it to the closet door that he made his own move, and it was as simple as opening it and waiting for you to enter first. 

“Thank you,” You mutter under your breath and slip right past him. You slink into the back corner of the small space. 

The door shuts behind Helen, leaving the both of you in darkness. 

You tap your palms against the wall behind you as you scrape your head for something to say to fill the silence. Helen decided to be kind enough to break the silence for you.

“I never took you as someone who would play this game,” 

He catches you off guard. 

In an instant you’re straightening up and trying to come up with an explanation. Was this an accusation? Judgment? 

“I mean I don’t usually but-”

“I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing, I’m playing as well,” He gently cut you off. You suck some air between your teeth and fall silent. 

“You don’t seem like the type to play games like this either, you know… I mean, I’m personally fine playing… this stuff… but you kinda…” You fail to find the words. “Seem reserved to yourself?”

The air falls quiet once more for a few moments before it's broken for a second time by Helen. “I was encouraged to put myself out for tonight,”

You hum in response and move your hands from the wall to the bottom of your shirt, busying your fingers with the fabric. 

“Yeah? By who? …Pup right? I only ever really see you hanging around with him,” 

Helen nods. 

You look down to the floor and stare down at your shoes, then to Helen’s- dully noting that he wore boots… stained with paint, or perhaps blood. It was nearly impossible to tell in the darkness. 

“Well, I’m glad there’s one person here that you like- or at least enjoy enough! I remember you hardly ever left your room for anything when you first arrived here,” You give him a smile and hope that he could see it. 

“There’s two, actually.” 

You snap your eyes back up to his mask. 

“It was you who gave me the nerve to stick around for the games, if you didn’t come downstairs I’d have gone back up to my room… though I do wish I got the chance to talk to you before everyone gathered…” He paused. 

“Too many people…” He muttered under his breath. 

“But I bumped right into you- how come you didn’t say anything?” 

Helen’s head tilts to the side. It feels like his eyes were raking themselves over your body- from head to toe. You do your best not squirm under his gaze. 

“You took me by surprise… Nerves is all.” 

You hum again and clench your fists into your shirt fabric.

“How…” You start. Helen rights the angle of his head and you pull your eyes away from his mask. “How long did you…”

Was he admitting to having feelings for you or did he simply want to be your friend? You work your jaw… you could be horribly misreading this. You could make a fool of yourself. 

“How long did you have a thing for me?” 

Helen only chuckles softly- a sound that only lasts for a few seconds before its quieted. “For quite a while… months, now.” 

You open your mouth to reply but he’s already answering your question.

“I wanted to see how long until you approached first,” Helen takes a step towards you. He leans over you with a gaze still fixed right on your face. He smells of paints and iron, and you fight yourself not to scrunch your nose as the scent washes over you. “But I grow tired of waiting, and there’s no one here to steal you away- during the party, of course,” 

He stops right in front of you, leaving just enough space for you to make an escape if you wanted to. “I was hoping you would take out my eraser, even if we do not share a moment of intimacy having you just to myself for a moment is fine enough for me,” 

Your mind blanks for a split second at his words for a moment. 

You had nearly forgotten the outcomes of games like this- though you couldn’t find it in yourself to mind it all that much. You looked at his mask again to try to find his eyes, however you were only met with failure… you force your eyes to remain locked onto the mask’s sockets though as you try to find your voice again.

“I will not force anything on you, nor will I act without your word,” He softly spoke and backed up a few inches away from you. You finally release the hem of your shirt and reach forward- lightly gripping the sleeves that were folded and bunched against his wrists. 

“I… wouldn’t mind-” You grin up at Helen. It’s faster paced than what you normally preferred for relationships, but you had found yourself emboldened by the current setting you’ve found yourself in. “So long as this isn’t a trick to get my blood for one of your projects,” You teased.

…

“I’m joking of course… not giving you my bodily fluids before the first date,” You swat the idea down and pull Helen closer. He allows you to, even lowering his face closer to yours. 

“I wouldn’t… I’ve no spare canvases as it is already… a work with your matter requires one purely devoted to it,” He mutters into your ear. A shiver runs up your spine as he rested his hands on either side of you- effortlessly freeing his sleeves from the admittedly not very tight grasp you had on them.

Helen pulled away and settled his face in front of you, seemingly taking in every single feature of your face. You’d swear he could memorize every pore if he could, if it weren’t too dark. 

He was… close… to say the least…

Helen peeled one of his gloves hands from the wall and let the finger sprawl across his mask. He didn’t take it off or slip it upwards towards his forehead. Instead he shifted it to the side, shielding his face away from the door… but allowing it to give you a full view of his face. 

He looked… tired… more than you were expecting given the hours you assumed he spent on his paintings. Despite that, his blue eyes were nearly glowing with life. Or at least carried a sense of thrill in them- a stark contrast to the otherwise neutral expression pulled across his face… there was a light dust of red across his cheeks… faint in the darkness but you could just barely see it thanks to the proximity. 

Helen remained still and unmoving in front of you despite all of this, though.

Your eyes darted across his face, before his earlier words sparked an idea in you.

You make the first move and begin to lean forward to him, and gently press your lips against his. In an instant you can feel his mouth attempting to twitch upwards into a grin before he simply started to kiss back. Helen’s hands returned to the wall on either side of you and remained. Instead, it was you that decided to begin touching him; by choosing to run your hands through his black hair and move the strays out of the way. 

You both remained that way for… you weren’t paying attention- the only thing that caught you off guard and made you pull your face away from his was light flooding into the small room.

“Woah! Damn! Okay!” Jeff chuckled as he stood in the doorway. 

You shoot a glare at him- you didn’t hear him announce how much time was left… Did he give a warning? It didn’t matter now as your face burned hotter than it had when the door was closed. 

Helen doesn’t seem to pay much mind to Jeff. He only rose to his full height and pulled his mask over his face back to its original position. Only then did he actually turn to face the doorway straight on. 

“You didn’t knock, Jeffery.” He said lowly.

Clearly irritated. 

You pull away from the wall and follow after Helen as he steps out of the closet. 

“Didn’t think you’d actually have the balls to do anything… damn…” Jeff shot back.

“I owe a Nina some drinks, damn…” You caught him muttering as you passed by. You tried to fight the urge to step on his foot as you passed, instead choosing to focus on Helen, who was waiting on the other side of the hall for you. 

“Hey,” 

Helen nods to you. You chew the inside of your cheek as things fall silent once more… How does one proceed after something like this with someone as reserved as Helen? You shift your weight between your feet.

“Do you want to go somewhere else? You’ve gotten what you wanted from the party- and game-” You sheepishly smile up at him. 

Helen studies you hard for a moment.

“I would love that,” 

“Cool… cool nice,” You smile. He takes your hand after your eyes nervously dart over it. 

You weren’t surprised when he started to lead you to the stairs, and even less when he passed by your room and to his.

[see-the-fandom-imagines]

What's in it for me?

Chapter 11

Chapter 1     Masterlist Pairing: Kyouya Ootori x Reader Author: see-the-fandom-imagines Warnings: None, really Author’s Note: Sorry this took again forever, I will upload the next 4 chapters in the next days :) Thanks for reading <3 Tag List: @radical-bunny, @redsakura101​, @ellouisa17​, @hyunjinsslutbbg, @fairyv-ice

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46325452/chapters/116633701

<p>During lunch you had more or less willingly positioned yourself inbetween Mori and Kyouya and were highly glad that you could focus on Mori and the twins across from you. You were a little more relaxed now as the whole atmosphere seemed to have calmed down a bit and while half-heartedly listening to a story Kaoru told about Hikaru's first stuffed animal you let your mind wander and you thought fondly about Kyouya’s reaction to half the products in the supermarket. He had almost reminded you of Tamaki, mesmerised by all the offers and sales, although you were sure he would have been almost insulted if you had told him that.<br />

A small smile creeped on your face, but faltered again, when suddenly you felt Kyouya’s leg bump into yours, ripping you out of your thoughts and not moving once the contact had been established. Irritated you looked up at him, but he was nodding at Hikaru, presumably listening to something the older twin was saying. You moved your gaze back to your food and decided to not move your leg either. Yours had been there first and to be honest, you didn’t mind the touch. Quite the contrary.</p>

<p>After lunch everybody finally said goodbye and went their separate ways, including you. You just wanted to turn around and get home, your bed was calling for you after a day like that, when suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder. Surprised you turned around to see Kyouya standing behind you, nodding towards his car. “Let me drive you home.”<br />

“Oh, it’s fine, really”, you reassured him. You felt like he had done enough for you over the past couple of weeks, and you really didn’t want to owe him more than you already did. “It’s not very far, I can take the train.”<br />

“It is late, your part of town can become quite dangerous, and as a member of our club we have a certain responsibility towards you. Furthermore I might use the chance to introduce myself to your aunt now, too, if she is at home.”<br />

You squinted, trying to figure out his real motives. Of course, he had to have some form of gain from his, but was meeting your aunt really reason enough for him to take a detour? But you were also kind of exhausted and knew arguing with him didn’t make sense anyways. Furthermore you weren’t necessarily too opposed to the idea of spending more time with him, wether you wanted to admit it or not.<br />

He got into the car before you, not holding open the door for you, you noticed, but you didn’t actually mind. You didn’t care too much about stuff like that and something made you feel like it was some form of weird compliment. He did not hold up an appearance for you, and somehow you liked seeing that.</p>

<p>You climbed in behind him and adjusted your seatbelt, painfully aware of him watching your every move and trying to ignore the butterflies his stare set loose in your belly. Suddenly he spoke out again.<br />

“Are you not going to thank me?”<br />

“For kidnapping me?”, you retorted, and the smile appeared back on his face. Suddenly you were very aware that you were in a highly confined space with Kyouya alone. And although there was probably a driver somewhere in the front of this car, there was a screen between you and them just like in the movies that separated you.<br />

“Fair”, he said, leaning back in his chair, but you noticed the tiniest smirk playing on his features. The car began to move and you didn’t even question how the driver knew where to go. Maybe he actually was kidnapping you, you never knew with Kyouya. You were sure you were worth a little bit of money on the black market.<br />

“Let me see if she is home first, though, or you have kidnapped me for nothing. And I am not paying for the gas!”<br />

He chuckled and your heart jumped a little.<br />

“No worries”, he said, “in that case you can repay me differently.”<br />

You rolled your eyes, trying to to keep your mind away from the gutter, but smiled. You would not give him that win that easily. He was just saying this to tease you, some form of friendly banter you two had silently established between each other. With anyone else you might have called it flirting, but with Kyouya it felt like he was just provoking you, somehow testing how you would respond. Why you hadn't quite figured out yet, but you knew that he liked to be challenged. After all this time together you had understood more or less how his mind worked. Well, most of the time.<br />

“Also”, he spoke up again, interrupting your thoughts, and you watched him shift a little in his seat as his hand glided into his pocket, suddenly revealing a small box wrapped in paper and decorated with a small blue ribbon. You looked up at him with big eyes. An invoice? A time bomb? Or maybe it was just...<br />

“What’s that?”<br />

“It was your birthday, wasn’t it?”<br />

“Yeah, but…”<br />

“Well, in most places in the world, people gift each other something for their birthdays.”<br />

You were almost speechless. “You got me a present?”<br />

“It appears so.”<br />

“But… why?”<br />

You noticed that he hesitated. You had caught him off-guard with that question you noticed It almost seemed like he wasn’t entirely sure, either. Dodging the question, he moved his hand, as if to place it back into his pocket. “Well, if you don’t want it, I’ll return it.”<br />

“No, no!”, you quickly said and bit your lip as you saw his challenging gaze. He had known you’d react like that. This round went to him. “I mean I was just surprised. I don’t get a lot of gifts normally.”<br />

“I know you told me you find it frightening when I do something  that could be considered... nice, but do not think I am doing this just to do you a favour.”<br />

You hesitated for a second, but then you held open your hand and he dropped it in your palm. “Open it. I can't give it back, if you don’t like it.”<br />

Carefully and with big eyes you began unwrapping the small package. It revealed… “A daruma?” Carefully you took it out of the small package and noticed that a little charm was hanging around its neck. It was a simple leather band with a seashell attached to it. You looked up surprised.<br />

Kyouya shrugged, and you noticed that he actually seemed a little bit nervous, head turned away to look out of the window, feigning indifference. But the way his eyes trailed back to you revealed, that he was waiting for your reaction. “Well, it’s not blessed, nor is it New Years, but I saw it and I thought, maybe you’d like it, but I’d fully understand if …”<br />

“Thank you. I love it.”<br />

You noticed him relax a bit into his seat. He nodded, now turning back to you. “I saw it in Okinawa. And since you had said you liked the beach, I thought, maybe you actually enjoy things like that. I didn’t choose anything expensive as I did not want to make you uncomfortable." And then he added in true Kyouya-fashion. "I recently read that by purchasing a birthday gift, you will improve employee morale and help the recipient feel valued.”<br />

You nodded slowly, but couldn't suppress a small chuckle. Even if it was just a present out of courtesy, you really loved it. And something told you that maybe, just maybe Kyouya had actually done something nice for you, just because he wanted. You knew he wasn't as cold as he always acted to be. “I do feel very valued", you finally replied, "In case the annual review comes up, I will be sure to mention it.” The daruma sat in your hand, the light breaking in its still empty eyes. “Thank you”, you said again, this time a bit softer. You carefully placed it back in the box, careful not to break it. “So I have a free wish and a memory.”<br />

You stroke carefully over the little package with your thumb, smiling down at it. It was simple, but that didn’t matter. Kyouya had given you a present. For your birthday. And it meant an awful lot to you.<br />

After a short silence he spoke up again. “So, what are you going to wish for?”<br />

You thought for a second, but then shook your head. “Well, I can’t tell you yet, can I? Maybe I’ll let you know once it became true.”<br />

He scoffed. “It’s a daruma, not a birthday cake.”<br />

You shrugged. “I don’t mind. It’s a secret." You carefully placed it in your bag, and instead took out your phone. “I should tell Miwako that I am coming home, though.”<br />

But as happy as you had just felt a second ago, as physically sick were you getting now, because when you lit up your phone screen you noticed that you had five missed calls. Your heart, which had been beating happily until now, seemed to miss a beat, as you could feel the familiar feeling of uneasiness rise up in your throat.<br />

“What the hell”, you whispered, and noticed Kyouya shifting, but you didn’t look at him. Suddenly you had a really bad feeling.<br />

You held the phone to your ear and listened to the familiar beeping, until your aunt picked up, her tone making your blood run ice cold. Something had happened.</p>

<p>Without a word you handed Kyouya the phone, your voice dry and emotionless. You noticed your hand was shaking. “She wants to talk to you.”<br />

Miwako had not actually told you what had happened yet, she had wanted to know if you were still at Haruhi's and although she had hesitated for a split second, she had requested to speak with Kyouya once she found out that he was taking you home. You tried to focus on your breath, on his expression as he talked. Fear was creeping up on you and made it hard to breath. You heard your aunt say something indistinguishable for you and suddenly Kyouya looked at you, expression serious and it didn’t help. You had never seen him like this. You tried to focus on his features to calm you down, his sharp cheek bones, his perfect skin. The neatly combed hair, the full lips and the dark brown eyes that wouldn’t look away from you. You noticed a small beauty mark on his chin and you wondered if he had always had that, tried to think about everything else than what your aunt was going to tell you in a moment.<br />

Kyouya didn’t say anything about you staring and instead he handed the phone back to you after what felt like forever. Your hand was still shaking as you picked it up from his grip, his fingers brushing against yours, and you wished they would have stayed, you wished he would hold your hand, keeping you safe and steady, but instead he was just watching you, prepared for whatever would come next.</p>

<p>-----</p>

<p>You dropped the phone, your breath was going rapidly now. “Stop the car”, you hissed and as Kyouya didn’t react you said it even louder. “Stop. The car!”<br />

Kyouya gave the order to the driver and although your gaze was still focused on your own feet, you felt him pull in to the left and stop. The second the car stopped, you ripped open the door and ran outside. “(Y/n!)”, you heard Kyouya’s voice behind you. “You can’t just – ”, you heard him get out behind you, but you didn’t care you ran the past few metres to the closest bush you saw and you just threw up. Your stomach was cramping and you couldn’t keep in anything from the lunch you had just shared together at Haruhi's place. You didn’t want him to see you like that, but you also couldn’t make it stop.<br />

He hesitated getting closer to you at first, but finally seemed to get over himself and knelt down next to you. He didn’t look at you, you noticed from the corner of your eye, his gaze was lifted up into the sky to give you at least a little privacy and you were thankful for it. He had positioned a hand on your back, kneeling next to you at the roadside, waiting for you to be done.<br />

You coughed a few more times and looked up to see him hold out a textile handkerchief to you. You didn’t protest, but just grabbed it, cleaning your face, trying to understand what was happening. You were still breathing rapidly and you felt the first hot tear, running down your face. You tried to bring sense into what just had happened, but you couldn’t. Your mind was full and you didn’t know on what to focus first. You buried your head in your hands and let out a silent scream, your body heaving with sobs your mind filled with sheer panic.<br />

You were on your knees in the middle of the city, right in front of the guy you liked and who after this would surely never be able to see you the same way, unable to move a muscle. Your body was heaving with sobs, but no noise escaped your mouth. It was all your fault. Your aunt was in danger. You had ruined it all, she should have never taken you in. You destroyed her life yet again. She could have gotten away if it wasn’t for you.<br />

Suddenly you felt two hands on your shoulders, gently pushing your upper body up, so that you were forced to sit up. You still let your head hang low, your eyes pressed shut, it was all too much.<br />

“(Y/n)”, you heard Kyouya’s clear voice through your haze of noise, feeling his hands gently press into your shoulders. “(Y/n), look at me.” You didn’t move. His grip tightened, but not enough to hurt, just to emphasize his words. He said it again, more demanding this time. “(Y/n), I need you to look at me.”<br />

You tried to take a deep breath, opening your eyes and looking up into Kyouya’s face. Something about the expression on his face made all the noise and all the voices become quieter. You tried to block out everything else, the street, the people watching, and just focus on his face, his eyes, his voice, his scent. You just felt his hands on your shoulders, saw his face in front of you and heard his clear voice. “Your aunt is safe. I have dispatched two officers of our police force.” You wondered when he had done that, but it didn’t even matter. You nodded carefully. “One in front of your house. And one in front of the hospital. She is going to be safe.”<br />

Your breath became calmer again, you were mesmerized by his voice and by his eyes. You couldn’t look away. The fear subsided slightly. You still couldn’t speak and you were still trembling.<br />

“And I have promised your aunt to keep you safe, too, and I am very intent on keeping my promise.” You nodded. He let go of your shoulders without a warning and stood up, looking down at you expectantly. “Get up. You're stronger than this.” He wasn’t going to help you up. He expected to get up yourself. All he did was hold out a hand for you to grab, but the rest you had to do yourself. You wanted to collapse again, but you took a deep breath. He was right. You had done it before, you could do it again. Your aunt was safe, that was the most important thing and you couldn’t rely on other people for the rest of your life. “I do not know what exactly is going on, but I can promise you that nothing is going to happen to you.” His voice was firm and it was exactly what you needed right now. You believed him.<br />

You took one last breath, before you took Kyouya’s hand, using it to stabilize yourself while standing up. You were still trembling, but you could somewhat think again. “Very good”, he said, and your heart leaped in your chest. You wanted to do well. You nodded carefully, your voice still hoarse and your throat hurting from puking and crying. “Thank you”, you said awkwardly not knowing what to do now, trying to bring sense into your head.<br />

“Get in the car”, he ordered, although his voice was a little softer now. “I am going to bring you back to Haruhi’s place.”<br />

You nodded and followed him into his car. You were staring at your knuckles, your fists were clenched so hard that they had begun to turn white.<br />

“I am sorry”, you whispered, and Kyouya looked at you, as he scooched in after you. He didn’t say a word, but instead after a short pause, and what looked like him considering the situation, wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest, holding you tightly. He didn’t say it was alright, he didn’t tell you all would be fine. He was far too pragmatic for that. He was just sitting next to you holding you, calmly, and although your heart skipped a beat at the sudden contact, you actually managed to calm down and breathe again. Suddenly, you felt safer. He didn't have to say another word for you to understand that he was not going to let anything happen to you. His touch grounded you. The rest of the car ride was silent, you trying to calm your breath, breathing in his scent, and him, silently gazing out the window, his muscles tensing up every now and then, when you felt the car come to a stop. For a few seconds the whole world seemed to stand still, until you heard Kyouya's voice speak up in the silence.<br />

“I'll keep my promise." And with these words he let go of you and the car door opened. Ranka-san was already waiting outside, ready to greet you. You nodded, not able to speak, but you hoped he still understood what you were trying to tell him. Right when your foot touched the pavement you felt his grab on your wrist one last time. You turned around to him. “I’ll call you.” He had said, expression stone-cold as you had gotten out of the car. Ranka immediately rushed towards you, taking you tightly into her arms and you welcomed the embrace. You looked at Kyouya’s car drive away silently, while Ranka carefully guided you inside. You felt even more miserable. Your parents really had to ruin everything. If you had been sure that there was no way he liked you back before, now you were absolutely certain that a Kyouya Ootori would never be with a pathetic girl whose own parents didn’t even want her. And if that wasn’t even the worst, again you were nothing but a burden to everybody. Haruhi and Ranka included.</p>

<p>-----</p>

<p>You let yourself drop on the floor in your room, your back against your wardrobe. It had been an exhausting day. After a night at Haruhi’s and what felt like forever, Miwako had finally decided that it was fine for you to come home. Carefully you had gotten out of the station and ran home, all the time worried that a familiar face would pop up or similar. But nothing happened. As it seemed, they didn’t know where you lived. At least not yet.<br />

Your gaze fell on your backpack, and you pulled it closer to you. You opened it and fished out the small package with the blue bow.<br />

Carefully you got out the Daruma. It was looking at you with blank eyes, and you stared back, feeling as empty as the little doll. Tentatively you took of the little charm and tied it to a little opening in your phone case. Then you got up and looked around the room for a marker. Once you had found one, you sat back down, popped off the cap and began to write your wish. Shortly after you carefully drew in the left eye of the Daruma, who was now halfway looking back at you. You placed it on your desk and just sat in front of it, looking at your new little friend, thinking about the man who had given him to you. The man who probably now saw you in a completely different way than he had before. If you maybe had had some hopes that he might like you before, you knew now he for sure would not. You hadn’t wanted him to see you in such a state. You hated being so weak and usually you weren’t. It was just that whenever your parents would be involved it would all come back.<br />

Shivering you remembered the nights in the cold room, barely any belongings, no friends, waiting for the next punishment to come your way. You played with your little charm. These days at the sea with Miwako had been your only way to get out. Three days without fear. Before you had had to go back. You had begged her so often not to bring you back. But it had taken years for the abuse to become visible enough that she would betray her own sister and run off with you like that. You didn’t blame her. It had been a big step and you were happy she had been brave enough for the two of you to take it.<br />

Suddenly the phone in your hand began to ring and before you had even looked at the display you knew who was calling. You bit your lip, thinking for a second, before you eventually picked up.<br />

“Hello?”<br />

“It’s me.” You knew it was him, you had ignored his call already twice this evening. You were too embarrassed and not ready for the talk you knew would follow. You had been so embarrassed about how weak you had gotten. About what this simple phone call had done to you. This wasn’t like you, you used to fight. When you didn’t reply, he spoke up again.<br />

“Are you alright?” His voice sounded cold and emotionless and you knew he was mad at you for not picking up earlier.<br />

“Yes… Thank you again. I don’t think I can ever repay you.”<br />

“Not all my life revolves around favors, you know?” Ouch. You were silent for a while.<br />

“Kyouya-senpai, I…” I am sorry. I am embarrassed. Please don’t think lower of me because of what happened today.<br />

“I think you owe me an explanation.”<br />

You nodded. “You’re right”, you whispered. “I am sorry. I will tell you, I promise just…  not now. Please”, you begged, and you were surprised that your voice broke. You were so tired.<br />

“I hope you are aware of the expenses I had to spare for you in the past week alone.”<br />

“I know, I am sorry.”<br />

“I do not want to hear you apologize.” Tears formed in your eyes at his harsh words. You wished he would just stop talking, you were already feeling bad enough. He cleared his throat and continued speaking, his voice a bit softer. Maybe he had realized he had been too harsh on you. “I mean, there’s no need to apologize.” Another short break. “I was worried.” Surprised you hick-upped. You hoped he hadn’t heard it, but if he had, he chose to ignore it. “I want to help you, (y/n), but I cannot do that, if you will not tell me what is going on! All your aunt told me that she needed me to get you to Haruhi safely and that she couldn’t go home herself either.”<br />

“You’re right”, you agreed.<br />

“I won’t force you”, he finally said to your surprise. “Stay safe. I’ll see you next week.”<br />

After this call you felt emptier than you had before.</p>

<p>Little had you known that he had focused on whatever else as to control the anger that had risen in his chest. He didn’t know who had hurt her like that but one thing was sure, they were going to pay for it. He had theories of course, after all, Kyouya wasn’t stupid. He could count one and one together, but either way he needed to know what was going on with her. What happened to her in the past. He bit his lip, staring at his phone, thinking about what it was that he was feeling.<br />

He had come to care about (y/n) he had to admit to himself. Deeply. Was this still just having a crush? Either way he knew that he wanted to protect her and that he wanted to get rid of whatever or whoever was torturing her this way. Having seen her breakdown in front of him like this, had almost shocked him. She was usually very put together, smart, witty and always had an answer. But from one second to the next she had absolutely broken down and a tight knot had formed in his chest seeing her like this. He had wanted to hug her, take her in his arms, but he wasn’t sure if what she needed maybe was space, so he had opted for that.<br />

He knew she was strong enough to get through it herself, but he still had wanted to help her. He had rarely felt as helpless as in this moment. The last time she was in danger he had lost control. This time he wanted to keep it for her sake. But little did she know that the second he had let go of her, the second his car drove away, he had exhaled shakily, fists clenched, trying to suppress the anger that he had kept in his chest ever since he had talked to her aunt and the worry he had tried to deny up until that point.</p>

[graysparrowao3]

2024 Writing Reflections

Thank you @little-paperboat, what a nice tag to receive, really interesting to reflect on these questions. I'm not sure who may not have a tag, here are some no pressure ones if you would like to join and an open invitation (no seriously, I really like this one I want to tag everyone lol)💛 @wakacreations @thylyre @faetouchedfool @barbwillbrb @lolliputian

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

To embrace the joy of writing. This meant trying new things or putting them out there or just writing what spoke to me. Writing "easy" and not worrying about my prose - if I just wanted to write fun dialogue with the same damn dialogue tags, then go for it babe, let those blorbos yap. If I wanted to put in the most cliche, in-your-face metaphor, smack that literary device on the arse and send it out! If I had a short idea that I thought was fun, I could share it as a fic, or a post, or even just a message amongst people who like similar things. The more I embraced the joy of it just for its own sake the less anxious I felt about it.

How has your writing developed this past year?

Writing sexually explicit content. I'm very cautious about the explicit content I consume for my own psychological comfort, and it was quite liberatory to be in control of the writing and know what was going to happen, and definitely allowed my writing to grow in depth, gain a new skill, and explore more heavy and intimate themes.

Bad writing habits?

I get impatient and want to be done with something even when I know the editing isn't quite finished and then spend the next hour frantically making edits after it's uploaded.

Favorite thing you wrote?

I feel like this changes every time I reflect on it, probably because I like them for different reasons.

For now, I'm going to say Part 10, the main "concluding" part of the NB series. I was absolutely exhausted after I wrote it.

I'll also say chapter 10 in The Elturian Prodigy, because in it Rolan begins to figure out the events of Descent into Avernus, and I was proud to be able to come up with how he might do it that didn't seem super obvious but that an intelligent character could reason through.

Biggest win?

Finding support and kindness that uplifted me to such an extent that it has changed the trajectory of my life. I'm part of the many folks who have found their joy and creativity again thanks to fandom writing and the overwhelming and unexpected kindness of people in the online community spaces. I even had some people in real life remember I was trying to write again and ask how it was going and I had to not be a big emotional mess about it. Thank you online writing friends <3

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

Everyone is always breathing in various ways. Lots of deep breaths, huffing, snorting, air catching in throats. Or chuckling in various dry, wry, ways. Or brows doing various things; raising, creasing, cocking.

This is a ridiculous sentence, but I had to take a moment in the middle of the NB series and check I wasn't overdoing twat, bastard, and feck and turning it into a caricature. (There's a part where Rugan says "Every other word out of your mouth is 'feck this' or 'bastard that'" which was absolutely me calling myself out lol).

Goals for the new year?

I think I responded to this elsewhere, but in this moment I am thinking...

Just don't stop reading and writing, keep practicing and growing.

Always remember the kind words of internet friends that have made you have faith in yourself.

Keeping working on the ongoing WIPs.

I think, if I'm being honest, I would really love to finally get something original self-published or close to it by the end of 2025. As the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, but the second best time is now.

What are you excited for in the new year?

Well I'm in the middle of a couple of interviews, so getting hired would be good because life has thrown a lot around recently that won't be letting up any time soon. Fingers crossed.

I got some books for Christmas and my anniversary before that I'm looking forward to reading. Just finished the First Law trilogy.

Getting through some more of my fic WIPs and moving towards completion of those projects.

Some more cheeky tags because this is a great tag game if you are interested @vera-king-hrfl @beesht @ashprince-of-bel-air @alpydk @dutifullylazybread

[humbledragon669]

S2E2 - The Clue Write Up P3 - London (Present Day) the Dirty Donkey meeting up to Land of Uz (Crowley speaks to Job)

Alright, so it’s been a minute. As I write this, it’s been two weeks since I posted the last of this episode’s write up instalments. My apologies about that, I’ve been pretty nose to the grindstone trying to get a Uni assignment finished so that I could enjoy a few weeks of socialising in the lead up to Christmas without worrying about getting it done in time. I finished this afternoon, a little over two weeks ahead of the submission date, which I am over the moon with. Honestly, it’s been pretty intense. I’m not ashamed to say that the first thing I did after I hit the “Submit” button was open up all the bits and pieces I use to write these posts, and I am definitely not ashamed to say that I was quite emotional as I did it. I’ve missed these goofballs. Like… a LOT. And I’ve missed engaging with the fandom with anything more involved than doomscrolling. I still have some reading for the trimester to catch up on, but I am largely free of Uni work now until mid-January (did someone say filming will be underway by then? Not me…) and I intend to throw myself into this beautiful little community wholeheartedly whilst I can. Who knows I might even manage to some more fic writing done/completed… So. With that self-indulgent waffley intro to this post out of the way, let’s get started, we have a pub to get to.

I didn’t think there was any point in delaying the inevitable, we all know that this is the moment that everybody wants to squeal about in this scene. There are a couple of bits and pieces (and they’re all pretty small) I just wanted to point out before I talk about it proper, and even then I probably won’t talk about it all that much because it’s been covered by just about everyone already. Firstly, I just wanted to give a little nod to the sound editors (who knew the first thing I would be pointing out after a short hiatus would be a sound thing. Oh that’s right, everyone did) for the donkey braying noise we can hear in the lower layers of the soundtrack when the camera focusses in on the pub sign. I don’t know why it’s there (I think we all know what a donkey is when we see one), but I think it makes it sounds like the sign is roaring. I don’t think it’s important, I just appreciate the effort.

Next up I want to say how much I wish there was an alleyway of space that leads directly from the door of a pub to a table in every busy pub I went to. There will be a bit more to talk about in regards to our hero couple having an “aura” of free space around them in a little while, but here I think it’s probably there for logistics more than anything.

Last up, I can’t help but feel like there’s something to be had in this little exchange:

CROWLEY: Ah, we’re going to the pub. You never go to the pub. AZIRAPHALE: We’re in the pub now. CROWLEY: What’s wrong with the coffee shop?

So, we hear Crowley moving from the collective “we” to the singular “you” in the first line, followed by Aziraphale immediately reverting to the collection “we” (which is in and of itself notable - I think it points to his not being able to think of himself as a “singular” where Crowley is involved). I actually wonder if this might be a reference to 1967 - we know that Crowley uses this same pub to conduct a covert meeting. Did he choose a pub knowing full well that Aziraphale doesn’t frequent them, supposedly safe in the knowledge that he could remain in the angel’s vicinity without the risk of bumping into him? I think it’s likely this would have factored into Crowley’s choice of meeting place, but what I find curious about the delivery of these lines in the present day is that he firstly sounds amused about this turn of events and then immediately asks Aziraphale why they can’t just do what they normally do. Don’t get me wrong, I love this little exchange, partly because we get to see a little of that mischievous Crowley that I mentioned is a little lacking in this season (at least in the present day scenes), I just can’t quite fathom Crowley’s thinking processes at this point.

Alright. Here we are at last.

I’m going to try and make this short and to the point. Three things about this:

Crowley does not respond to this touch at all. It’s quite rare for us to see this pair consciously touch one another, so if this was out of the ordinary for them, you’d expect to see some sort of shock from him but that is most definitely absent.

Aziraphale doesn’t just stop at putting a hand on Crowley chest, he actually strokes it a little, in a downward motion, and that’s not a response to any movement from the demon, who is completely stationary. That little downward stroke is all sub-conscious Aziraphale (or totally conscious and mischievous Michael, as we came to find out).

There is a little flash of shock on Aziraphale’s face in the split second after he strokes Crowley’s chest. I think this is him realising what he’s just done. Distracted as he was trying to find a table, he’s revealed the true nature of their relationship in a room full of people.

There. That’s it. That wasn’t too drawn out now, was it? Well, if that was a little too shallow for your tastes, shall we have a look at the miracle noise we’re about to hear?

OK, so this is very familiar territory for us by now, and just to prove that point, let’s compare this noise with the one from episode one:

Almost exactly the same, I think. Perhaps some slight difference with the levels, but that could just be the recording I’ve produced. As a reminder, I’ve started playing around with the idea that the miracle noises are more to do with need than the person who casts them - see this take from the episode one write-up:

This would stand up for the scene in the pub too, seeing as the miracle has been cast out of a “need” for somewhere to sit (and for that “aura” of space I mentioned earlier, this time around the table), rather than to achieve something with a moral aim. On the other hand, if you’re still of the camp that believes that the sound is tied to the caster, this would almost certainly drive the hammer home for my theory that Crowley didn’t do anything for the miracle in the book shop - these two miracle sounds are exactly the same, and the one in the pub is definitely only cast by Aziraphale. On a non-sound related note, it has not escaped my attention that the angel is incredibly nonchalant about performing a miracle here, despite how cautious he has been in previous scenes about doing “a very minor miracle”. How does one go from not wanting to perform half a miracle to hide someone in need to openly performing a full one just to guarantee yourself a seat? I suppose it’s possible that he thinks he has little left to lose now that he has Heaven’s attention, but that doesn’t sit right with me. Perhaps this is just another one of those instances, like with Aziraphale’s comments about the arrival of the Heavenly hosts, where the writing is perhaps a little thin in order to provide convenience for filming.

There’s a little Easter egg here in the headline on the newspaper (there will be another one shortly):

It’s not easy to make out the top bit, it looks to me like it reads “Modern, efficient, healthy and pleasant living accommodation in Milton Keynes”. To those of you who don’t know about Milton Keynes, it’s a town that was deliberately developed from scratch in the 60s to try and help address the housing shortage in the UK. It’s one of a handful of so-called “new towns” in the UK. Its most notable feature is that it has a lot of roundabouts. It’s also the one place that neither Crowley nor Aziraphale would take responsibility for, according to the book:

Crowley had been allowed to develop Manchester, while Aziraphale had a free hand in the whole of Shropshire. Crowley took Glasgow, Aziraphale had Edinburgh (neither claimed any responsibility for Milton Keynes*

The footnote for the town in the book also provides us with the text for the headline:

It was built to be modern, efficient, healthy, and, all in all, a pleasant place to live.

Lovely little Easter egg that one. Here’s the other:

This one comes from the book too, this time as part of Newt’s dialogue:

Daily Mail.  ‘Letter from America.’  Um, August the third,” said Newt.  “Just after the story about the woman in Worms, Nebraska, who taught her duck to play the accordion.

You really have to hand it to the prop and design team - they know how to sneak in those cheeky treats into newspaper headlines, don’t they?!

Alright, let’s jump into another oft-discussed moment.

As with so many of the moments in this show that are highly treasured and talked about by the community, I’m not going to talk about this a great deal, I just want to touch briefly on the vibe I get from this little moment. The bottom line for me here is that this is another Crowley rescue going on. I’ve talked about this aspect of their relationship quite a lot already I know, it’s just that I think it becomes so desperately important later, to the point that it’s explicitly stated. But I’m jumping ahead of myself. Breaking this rescue down, we can see how quickly Crowley becomes aware that his angel might need rescuing - when he looks over at the table to observe the odd man that just sat down. We also see how quickly Aziraphale is to signal to the demon that a rescue is required - with his look back to Crowley at the bar. This little moment is so beautiful to me - it shows how completely aware they both are of the other’s presence and role without a single word. And that position Crowley takes up when he does get to the table? It’s so very territorial, isn’t it? Reaching across Aziraphale to put the glass down, rather than just placing the glass down. It’s like a proverbial shield. And that you really can’t pretend not to hear the “what the fuck are you doing in my seat” in that “hello”, can you?

There are two additional minor points I want to point out here. The first is to do with one of Aziraphale’s tells - his hands.

You can see that as soon as he starts to feel seriously uncomfortable, he starts fiddling with his hands. We’ve seen him do this on multiple occasions before, so it shouldn’t be news that this is something he does subconsciously, I just think it’s worth noting that this behaviour comes into play even with situations where the risk of peril is low. The other thing of note is this tiny lip and eye movements we see when he takes a sip of his sherry:

The lip movement is tricky to read and interpret. I have seen a post that suggested this is a bit of non-verbal communication from him to Crowley, where he says “thank you”. I don’t think this is an unreasonable suggestion, and certainly plays to the non-verbal theme that runs through this entire season. It would also tie in nicely with the eye flick we can see, which makes it seem like the words are being projected at Crowley with his eyes. What’s important is that this gratitude isn’t for the drink (otherwise it would be spoken aloud) - this thanks would appear to be for the rescue.

There’s something about this line I really love, almost like he thinks he’s speaking from a wealth of experience. Which he blatantly isn’t, but you gotta love him for trying claim some knowledge in the area. Crowley looks as convinced of that as the rest of us though:

I also love this little insight into Aziraphale’s character:

AZIRAPHALE: I told them I made Nina and Maggie fall in love. CROWLEY: Why? AZIRAPHALE: It was the first thing I could think of.

To me it shows that ultimately he’s always instinctively drawn towards love. When you compare that mindset to the one shown by Gabriel earlier on in the episode when talking about Job’s children, it really shows how wide the gulf between Aziraphale and the rest of Heaven actually is. Here’s a little script thing I do have an issue with though:

AZIRAPHALE: Oh, miracles don’t work like that.

Um. OK. So why would you have gotten away with telling the rest of the Heavenly host that your miracle worked? This feels like another moment of flaky writing, it just doesn’t really hold up to any sort of scrutiny. But as quickly as I have a moment of doubt about this show, a little moment comes in to bring me back in line:

There’s something so showy about this. Like he’s giving Crowley the gift of “we”. There’s such emphasis on the “we”, with a set-up and a pause. This is interesting to me, because it almost sounds as if the suggestion here isn’t that they “fix” a problem, but that they rescue it, except this time it won’t be Crowley doing the rescuing on his own, this time it’s a “we” thing. Really cute.

There’s another fandom favourite coming - the fall-in-love-in-a-rainstorm speech. As usual, I won’t go into huge detail here, just highlight some of my favourite aspects. It goes without saying that the scene described is essentially an exact description of the events of the wall scene from the Garden of Eden, and what makes that particularly interesting is that it suggests (or perhaps confirms) that this was the moment that Crowley fell in love with Aziraphale. More than that, it suggests that he believes that the same can be said of Aziraphale. I am not unaware of the similarities of the description with the Before the Beginning scene, but if we’re talking actual watery rain, there is only one scene of the two that we can apply it to. The layers of subtext in this micro-scene are what really engage me, because not only do I love that Crowley’s speech says that he truly believes the way he fell in love to be the only and best way it’s possible to fall in love (and can we say “made for each other”? Swoon), the way that it’s delivered suggests he’s completely unaware he’s talking about himself. And it definitely hasn’t registered with Aziraphale either:

I also love how Crowley stands his ground on this one.

And just when you think this demon couldn’t get any more saccharine, he pulls this out of the bag:

There’s a tiny hesitation before the “Richard Curtis” that tells me everything I need to know about his little speech - this is the moment where he realises what he’s just said. Whether this is a realisation for him about exactly when he fell in love with Aziraphale I don’t know, largely because his eyes are covered and we don’t get to see his face for long enough, but I find something really charming in this idea. I’m sure there are some that would say that hesitation is because he’s about to give away the fact that he watches Richard Curtis films (Notting Hill is hardly demon-worthy content now, is it?), but I am not one of those. As a point of note, has Crowley’s description ever actually happened in a Richard Curtis film? Personally I haven’t watched an awful lot of his work, but I’m pretty sure it hasn’t happened in any of the stuff I have seen.

Final note on Crowley’s side of this discussion goes to this expression, the response to Aziraphale telling him that they should “invoke fiction … properly”:

I mean, he’s pissed at this point isn’t he? And rightly so I say. He’s just recounted his incredibly romantic tale of how he fell in love, and he’s told, by the recipient of that love, that he hasn’t done it “properly”. I think it’s fair to say that the non-verbal communication that was working so effectively earlier in this scene has well and truly gone off the rails by this point.

Quick side note about this 1810 Clerkenwell diamond robbery - not a real historic thing by all accounts. I find this interesting because so many of the historic things referred to in this show were actual events, or at least loosely related to one. This one seems to have been entirely created though. What I will say is that, from Crowley’s description and the way he says her name, it seems he may have been on a first name basis with her. Now wouldn’t that whole thing make for a fascinating spin-off/minisode?

I love the complete opposites we see in Aziraphale’s description of the perfect way to fall in love, the most obvious being that we haven’t ever seen this particular scenario play out between them in the way that we say Crowley’s. Perhaps this is meant to reinforce the difference in the types of personalities between them - the angel being the fantasist, the angel being the realist (which in of itself would open up a huge can of worms for discussion). At the heart of his speech is the only common aspect between the two descriptions:

AZIRAPHALE: …and then realise they had misunderstood each other and were actually deeply in love.

Essentially the two descriptions boil down to the same thing - two people coming together and, based on apropos of nothing but being in close physical contact with one another, fall deeply and desperately in love. How ironic that Crowley feels the same way about the Austen-scenario as Aziraphale did about the “Richard Curtis” one:

Right, I think that just about covers the pub scene, let’s see if I can get to the start of another flashback scene without too much trouble.

Tiny thing, but does anybody else find the idea that Crowley has never heard “Everyday” before highly unlikely? With his broad music tastes and the fact that he would actually have been around to hear the song when it was released, this seems like a really strange thing to claim, even if it sounds convincing. Maybe it’s just a me thing.

Next tiny thing (aside from noting that, despite the fact that Aziraphale is hiding a much sought-after archangel inside the shop, the door isn’t locked) - how is it that Crowley knows exactly where to find the Jane Austen books? Maybe that particular bookshelf is the start of an A-Z of fiction by author (I highly doubt this, as it would mean customers can actually find books they’re looking for). Even if that was the case, it would mean that Crowley has paid enough attention to the system at hand to know where to look. Given he himself claimed he doesn’t read books (see season one, episode two), there’s something about his familiarity with the shop layout that says more about the amount of time he spends there (and helps out there?) to me. What I do find interesting here is that he doesn’t instantly remove his glasses when he enters the shop. This might just be a set-up for their removal in just a moment, but it may also be that he’s less comfortable there now that Gabriel has set up camp. Talking of the removal of the glasses, there’s another one of those hiss noises here, just to really hammer home how threatening he wants to be to Jim. Lovely bit of subtextual sound editing.

Alright final point here - I’m sure there’s something to be said about Jim’s eyes turning purple when he remembers things. Maybe it’s just a special effect to show the audience that this is a genuine moment of remembering, but if not, it raises questions for me around what the purple eyes signify, which is emphasised by the fact that the words Jim recalls were not only not spoken by him, but he wasn’t even present to hear (at least as far as what we see can testify to). Some things to ponder on there for a later time perhaps.

I think it’s time to call it a day on this part. It’s run a little longer than intended, but that’s what happens with Aziracrow-rich content I’m afraid (so… all of season 2 then?). As always, questions, comments, discussion: always welcome! See you for the next one 😊

[bluedalahorse]

YR fandom new years resolutions? or just what’s going on in my brain

I had a longer version of this post drafted, but I decided to scrap it and go with a shorter version. The purpose of this post is to share some thoughts and feelings I’ve been having—not in a way that’s perfectly expressed, or journalistically objective—but in a way that helps me articulate those thoughts/feelings, and maybe lets other people who have similar thoughts/feelings know they aren’t alone.

For now, I’m open to reblogs and or discussions in the comments, as long as you’re replying in good faith.

Right now, it seems like two things are true at once in the Young Royals fandom:

Some Young Royals fans are longing for a greater variety of topics discussed and opinions shared, but also don’t always feel comfortable or supported putting forward their ideas. This can be a bit hard to summarize succinctly, because it sounds like people all want different things. Some fans want more non-Wilmon ships talked about. Others feel a little stifled in talking about characters and enjoying their nuance, because it seems like there are characters who are “okay” to like/dislike and others that are not. Others feel like there’s not much space to criticize season three. Still others want a chance for more crackfic and silly headcanons. Whether we do or don’t resonate with something on that list (I resonate with some things and not others) I’ve talked to enough people who mention that they self-censor in some way that it feels like something is in the air and people want a change.

There is a long-running issue of people in this fandom using anonymity to bully and harass fellow fans for their takes on the series and its characters. (This isn’t unique to YR fandom, but we’re also not immune to it.)

At present it feels like the two truths feed into one another and cause a vicious cycle. People are worried about expressing an opinion (shipping a controversial ship, for instance) and don’t want their name attached to it, so they look for a space where they can share those opinions more anonymously. As more anonymous space opens up, people do get their opinions out there. On the other hand, trolls and bullies also come in and use these spaces to harass people anonymously. As these trolls get more vicious, people get worried about expressing their more controversial opinions again, and those go underground or untalked about.

I applaud @young-royals-confessions for their attempt to put guidelines in place around the kinds of confessions people were sending in and moderate the blog accordingly. I think this is the best way to go about doing an anonymous blog like this, and they do a decent job of it. I personally chose to unfollow the confessions blog a while back, because it felt like the right decision for me in terms of which characters and ships I wanted to see more and less of. However, I do enjoy checking in on the blog from time to time, and seeing the occasional post on my dash.

From my understanding, someone has started a new confessions blog that does not have any guidelines in place for what people submit. I will not be following this blog, as I think a lack of guidelines will leave things open to bad faith actors, trolls, and bullies.

As I move into 2025, I’m going to try and address the needs of fans who are feeling truth #1 (including myself) by continuing to post about what I enjoy and find interesting in Young Royals, while also signing my name to it. I will be continuing to create fanworks that reflect my particular passions, and sharing ideas about fics that maybe I couldn’t write but would like to see. I’m also going to try and do more to defend and uplift others in doing so, especially my fellow nuanced character and rarepair enjoyers. I am going to bring these ideas to upcoming fandom events and share them as I’m able.

I’ve gotten better at curating my dash in 2024. Now I want to make sure I curate my own opinions less and don’t self-censor as much (while still remaining as polite as I can.) You’re welcome to join me, or not. I just sort of wanted to share my thinking and put it out into the world.

[redvexillum]

Hey there my sweetest, beloved Vexi ♡

I just wanted to share something personal with you that you can then share with others because I know that they feel the same.

Writing has always been my passion. It's been the one thing that has kept me afloat in my life. Regardless of whether people love my writing or hate it, I would continue for the sake of continuing because it is my life.

But when I rejoined fandom spaces, I was terrified after hearing stories of how the culture had changed significantly. Interaction is lower, and hate has unfortunately always made its home in these communities. Given I share fanfiction solely to share with the aforementioned communities, I found myself afraid that I would get hate messages. I was afraid I wouldn't have a community that would stand up for me if that were to happen. While it would never deter me from what I love, I was scared that friendships and positivity were long dead in this space. Fandom felt lonely.

You know what though? I have met wonderful person after wonderful person. And then I met you too. There you are, getting some of the most horrendous messages I've ever seen sent to another human being, and you continue to push for positivity - smiling and laughing with us about how much you just want to see people happy.

Then you went on to start share some of the wonderful messages you recieved throughout that ordeal, only to begin writing positive affirmations and thoughts for us. Once upon a time, I struggled to accept this sort of positivity, I will admit that. When I was having a rough time, I would often see messages like that as 'hollow' for a lack of better words. I would be angry or bitter that others could think like that when I struggled so much to feel like those words should have meant something to me.

While time has passed since I was that person, I still remember the feeling of hopelessness, yet that doesn't deter from the fact that people like you - and countless others - single handedly restored my faith in these communities.

People like you remind me why I cling to my ideals of treating everyone with kindness no matter what. To try to understand other people. To help others. These are all things that bring us closer together. People like you, @silva-daemonium, @fraugwinska, @macabr3-barbi3, @chrisemrysfics, @melodyonthewireless, @dewdropdinosaur, @xalygatorx, @kewpikayo, @jurijyuu, @jalicecookie, AND SO MANY MORE do so much to support those around you.

All of this came about because I wanted to say thank you for posting those short little messages of encouragment. I know that I have appreciated them. Sure, they might seem a little cheesy to me on a morning when I'm tired - but they really make me smile, and prepare me to tackle whatever the day gives.

You're the beating heart of positivity.

It's a fairytale ending to the horror stories I expected.

I know that other people will see this too, so I just wanted to wish everyone that sees this a relaxing morning, afternoon, evening - timezone in general! You're here, and you've worked hard to be here all this time. Everything you've needed to do to achieve that, you've done. That's huge. I'm so proud of everyone, and my DMs are always open to anyone who might be struggling or just wants to talk. I'll always aim to help my community in the same way that Vexi has demonstrated.

Love to you all, and again, thank you for your messages, Vexi!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Cirice, I honestly don’t have the words to fully capture how much your kindness means to me. You are truly one of the most thoughtful, beautiful souls I’ve ever had the honor to meet, and I can’t thank you enough for your words. Knowing that something I’ve done has made even a small impact on people like you is still so surreal to me. I’m just deeply grateful that you’re part of this community.

You and so many others are the reason why I’ve stayed here longer than in any other fandom. It’s been the most heartwarming experience. This community, especially people like you, has genuinely transformed my perspective on what fandoms can be: a space filled with compassion, creativity, and connection.

Thank you for sharing your story, for giving me (and others) a piece of your heart. I hope your words reach others, inspiring them to create, to feel they belong, and to understand how wonderful it is to be part of something like this. Knowing we’re all here together, finding meaning in these connections, it makes the world feel a little less lonely and a lot brighter. 💖

Also tagging the people that didn't get properly tagged because tumblr is broken: @dewdropdinosaur @xalygatorx @kewpikayo @jurijyuu @jailcecookie

[carpedzem]

hi

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

[bleachbleachbleach]

Hiiiii, re ur post abt goals and the whole being more active in the community thing -- I'll try to remember to interact with u more than just liking/reblogging things! I've been super quiet on my own blog since I had burnout two years ago but I'm trying to get back into doing more than just occasionally posting fic, and honestly I love a lot of ur head canon posts and metas etc. I probably won't read any of ur fic because I'm a Bit Weird in that for some reason I hate reading fic in the fandoms I write for (but still love metas and headcanons? Brains sure are weird) but everything else I'll try to actually Write Words instead of letting my thoughts stay in my head!

This is such a sweet message! <3333333

I would totally welcome conversation, and it’s great to know that you are open to it, too. Because I feel like Tumblr as a platform runs on a parallel play model on purpose, and most people probably just want to do that, and my hesitation in going full throttle about using Tumblr the way I would want is my fear that it is going to be obnoxious/overbearing/overwhelming (e.g. driving people to madness via “Why is this person talking to me… I didn’t want to talk to them...”).

It’s so funny you should say that, re: enjoying hcs/meta but not fanfic in your writing fandoms, because I think about that divide a lot! Half the time I spend writing most* headcanon posts is actually time spent workshopping “sooooo…. how do I say this without saying ‘well, in my fanfic…’” because it’s probably something I already wrote in fanfic or notes for fanfic, but 1) I want to talk to people about it, and the chances that I will get to if it’s written in a fanfic are fairly slim, and 2) I want to hear other people’s versions of it, too. In their fanfic, if they write fanfic, but also their posts or tags!

But that can be complicated because in my mind, [insert headcanon post topic] tends to be fairly situated in context—the context of fic things having happened, or things that are going to happen, or thematic undercurrents/relationships—so it becomes a project in trying to make the proposition NOT sound completely bananas without that context/something being written in a particular way. Which can sometimes be its own kind of fun and is sometimes like “good grief, I could have simply been writing more fanfic!” (I feel like I should emphasize here that no one should feel obligated to read my fanfic. I mean, I want people to want to read it! But I very much do not want anyone to feel like they Have To or like they need to explain why they’re not!)

Our approaches are opposite, in that my brain is fanfic forward, both for myself and for others’ fanfic. But I do feel like a lot of RP blogs share your orientation re: not wanting to read other versions of the character they write for! I don’t know if this is where you, specifically, are coming from, but I’ve read on some of the RP blogs that it has a lot to do with having a strong investment in their own particular color on things, and wanting that centered and front of mind. (Which isn’t to say that sentiment isn’t true of most people, I think, because otherwise they wouldn’t write them that way—it’s true of me—but ymmv on how much someone wants to see the other iterations.)

For me, I know that I’m a lot less adventurous about Interpretations That Excite Me for my blorbos than other characters I might read for. Like, to use a silly example, in my mind Soi Fon is 100% Lesbian (which stands out in my headcanon space because I generally assume most everyone in Bleach would be on some level willing to get down with most anyone else), but did I click on Soi Fon/Vegeta when I came across it anyway? Absolutely I did. I barely know who Vegeta is. But my down-to-clown boundaries with Soi Fon are very low, nearly tabula rasa, so go get Vegeta, girl!!!! Whereas for like, Hitsugaya, I’m probably not going to read Hitsugaya/Vegeta because I am not actually a crossover person, my knowledge of DBZ is limited to The Osmotic Experience of Having Grown Up in the 90s, and my favorite version of Hitsugaya’s sex life is the absence of one.

*Of course, there are other headcanons posts in the omake/filler vein that are simply too dumb (affectionate) for me to want to write full fanfic of, like the Gotei regatta or the Gotei bowling league, or that “I think the average shikai user would probably be pretty good at driving a car but they would NOT be considerate or lawful users of said car” post.